so today ,i cried my heart out ...
i fought with my mom today , about how my life is...
she told me that i was lucky to live in this life , and all of a sudden i screamed out and said to her " I'm lucky , you call this lucky , living a life without a dad you think thats lucky. Never having the chance to be even called a my baby , my daughter or even a felling that my dad is protecting me.. im not lucky , mom .. you probably think i was happy my whole life but no im not , im hurting so much that i dont even know myself anymore" she looked at my and i see that she starts to tear up she says to me " Ive worked day and night just to help you , but you dont ever seem to appreciate it.. you think your life is so easy , i know that im a single mom and i didnt mean for it to happen , i just wanted you here in this world. I want you to be happy and living the life you want but now i know how you feel , you feel hurt , disgrace , mad, dissapointed." I run to my bed crying , thinking about the past ...My mom knocks on my door saying " Darling im sorry you feel this way but im tryign my best to make you happy " I open my door and look at her crying my eyes out " I know if dad was here our lives would of been so much easier , and do you wanna know the time i actually felt happy , was when you saved my life , but i just hate it how everyone ask me what has happen to my dad , and everytime i wanna tell them i just wanna start to cry, i know somewhere out there he is looking for me. I love my dad , no matter what he wanted to do to me . I know how life is mom and i know its not easy but all i want to know is how does it feel to be loved by a father? I just want to know that my father is looking for me out there and when he finds me im going to run into his arms and cry , and say to him why did you have to leave me? ... "

Now im here lying on my bed still crying i love you dad no matter what